You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
