Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have demons in me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
