I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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