he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
