Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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