Me too!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
