i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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