i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
