i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
