did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
