the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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