420 ftw
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
