You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
