omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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