perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
