NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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