god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
