I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
