so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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