im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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