We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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