just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
