the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
