I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
