im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
