Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
