i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
