Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
