You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sobbing to NWA
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
