lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
