my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have post one night stand depression
Two words: nipple clamps
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