it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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