What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
