Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
