Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
