What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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