Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
