i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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