Your mouth is God's brothel.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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