she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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