dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
