hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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