Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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