Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
