just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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