I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
