if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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