ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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