What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
