He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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