No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i barfeds in our rink
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
