it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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