I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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