Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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