yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
