I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i drank out of a bidet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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