hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
