Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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