I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
