she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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