I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think your dad took our porno
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
