He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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