i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
