I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
