i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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