he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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