I think I died a long time ago.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
