I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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