When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
