WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
